September 27, 2011

"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one"

I don't know to whom exactly I should credit that quote, but it is TRUTH.

Sleep has suddenly become elusive in this household (except for Denny; since he brings home the bacon I let him sleep). I am exhausted to the max. I'm talking, like, uber-zombie exhausted. Like, I-want-to-feast-on-brains zombie. Boo, hiss, it sucks. It's just a phase, but OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO SLEEEEP.

Peyton was a great sleeper. Everyone always says the lack of sleep is the hardest part of having a newborn, but I heartily disagreed. She only woke once a night from the get-go, and that was totally tolerable for me. By two months, she was getting anywhere from five to six hours of uninterrupted sleep a night. 

Her pediatrician told me at her two-month well visit that five or six hours a night for a breastfed baby was great. Awesome! There is nothing like being validated and praised (in my mind it was praise for having an awesome baby that sleeps) by your child's pediatrician. I walked out of there thinking, 'I AM SO GOOD AT THIS MOMMY BUSINESS. I AM DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT. I COULD SCHOOL ALL OF YOU ON HOW TO MAKE YOUR BABY SLEEEEP!'

Now all I want is to be schooled myself, because I foresee an epic conundrum.

But first! My view from the baby monitor, at 4:46 this morning:

(Yes, Peyton sleeps on her belly. And with a blanket. 
No lectures here, plz&thx)

A series of wiggles, followed by some sort of howling coming from the monitor and her room. SHE WILL NOT SLEEP FOR MORE THAN TWO HOURS AT A TIME. Is it a growth spurt? Is it the dreaded four-month wakeful period? Is it...both (pleaaaase dear God NO!)? WHAT THE EFF IS GOING ON?

So, here is the aforementioned condundrum. It is multi-faceted. Here we go:

Alright, she's waking up every two hours. I know I have to deal with it, so I get up (duh). do I get her back to sleep? If she's waking up every one and a half to two hours (ALL NIGHT LONG), then is she really that hungry? If it's a growth spurt, then probably. Whatever, I feed her. No big deal.

But...what if she's not hungry? I attempt to pat her little bottom and shush her until I'm winded from all the shushing, but she is wiiiide awake. On all fours, looking around, and babbling at her Sleep Sheep or cryyying away. In my opinion, she is way too young to cry it out, so that's not an option here (don't tell me otherwise, because I will rip your head off).

I am so jealous of moms that can pop a binkie/paci/whatever the hell you call it into a baby's mouth and it's instant calm and wonderfulness (I'm looking at you, HEATHER). I have Tupperware containers full of different brands of pacifier that the diva has rejected, one by one. I refuse to throw them out because I'm convinced that one day the angels will sing and the sun will shine down on me and she will take them. All of them. Behold:

Oho, there's more where this came from.

Anyway. Patting and shushing don't work, and binkies/pacis/whatever don't work, so I nurse her, hungry or not. Big freaking deal, right? For now I guess not.

But there will come a day when she's five years old and won't sleep and it'll just be weird to nurse once she can ask for it.


Am I setting myself up for failure here? Will I honestly have to nurse her every single night, at every single wake-up, since it's now a crutch for both of us? I think she's still too young to grasp a habit like that, but I don't want to wait much longer. It'll happen, sooner or later, and then I'll be royally screwed.

Am I destined to be one of those crazy moms that nurse their kids until they're five? Ugh, please no.

And on top of that, on the glorious day she finally accepts a bottle from me (oh sweet day, I am waiting for you), HOW THE EFF WILL I GET HER TO SLEEP THEN? I tried this whole "putting her down drowsy" ordeal, but no dice. She will only sleep if she is out cold--I am talking dead weight, sack of potatoes (cutest potatoes EVER) asleep. What is the one way I know of that will get her to sleep, every time? Nursing. Bah.

Babies thrive on routine, I guess that's common sense, sure. I am finding that baths before bed seem to help with the situation. Every time I give her a bath, she sleeps for eight hours straight. Nightime routine is snuggle, bath, lotion and baby massage, snuggle, nurse, sleep. Sleep for eight wonderous hours. Minor problem here: I can only bathe her every three nights (thanks, ECZEMA). Now we only sleep really well every third night. WTF.

Sup, mommadukes. I'm never sleeping AGAIN.
I also never sit correctly in my Bumbo seat. Stupid thing.

Big milestones have a lot to do with sleep regression, but we are coming up on the motherload of milestones (solids, grasping, crawling, etc., etc., etc.). So my question is this:

When am I going to sleep again?

On another note, we've had two of my freezer meals and both were DELISH. Loving it so far.

On another another note, I gave Peyton some super watered down rice cereal tonight and she TOOK IT. FROM. A. SPOON. I suck at life, though, and I didn't take any pictures. Pardon me while I go sob uncontrollably because my baby is getting so big and I'm failing to chronicle every single beautiful second.

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